Posted on May 13, 2012 by paulcook

I want to break free!

It seems to be everywhere you look! Families, work and even church! And wherever you find it, it leaves people imprisoned and trapped, rather than free to be the person that God has created them to be, unable to live the dream and fulfil the destiny, purpose and calling that is upon their lives.

Sometimes it is obvious, the dictatorial, despotic leader of a nation, and we can all think of our favourite example. Mine is Burma, and the Karen people, and I just hope that the recent encouraging developments are not more of the same. Sometimes it is subtle and hidden, but nonetheless as potent and crippling as the more blatant. And though we would rather deny it, it is present in all of us.

What am I talking about? The need to control and manipulate, the need to force, persuade, coerce another to be and do what we think they should be and do, and often in the name of God and love. I can’t judge, because I do the same. I deeply regret years of Christian youth work in which, on hindsight, I basically tried to bully young people into believing what I did. I’m all too aware of the shadow of anxiety in my own inner world which drives me, at times, to try to get people to humour me with a measure of control that enables me to cope better. It is, at the end of the day, sin, and not a very tasteful sin at that.

The challenge for those of us who are Christ-followers is a simple and straightforward one: there is only one who qualifies to control and that is Jesus (Yeshua), the Messiah, the Son of the Most High God, but even his right to be King is never exerted by force, but always persuasive by love. We seem to find it easier to let others take that place in our place in our lives, and even easier to take that place in the lives of others, even those we love. And yet the call of the New Testament is the call to recognise that Yeshua is King of Kings, and as such he has the right to ask us to abandon ourselves unreservedly to the rule of his love in our lives. And while doing that, we must resist the pressure to be and do what others would prefer us to do, however good and worthy they might be.

“Where the Spirit of the Lord, there is freedom,” and we are called to “know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” Free, not to do as we want, and in this context, not free to do as others want, expect or demand, but free to entrust our lives to the One who delights in releasing us into the freedom of his grace and mercy. Of course, there are times when these might be one and the same thing, but sadly, more often than not, they are in conflict, with what we want and what others want of us, leaving us imprisoned with our wings clipped.

So I guess I’m thinking aloud and longing to call the Prodigals, the Not-yet-Christ followers, and sadly those who claim to be Christ-followers to pursue freedom, not for freedom’s sake, but because Yeshua is the ultimate freedom fighter, our Saviour, Redeemer and Deliverer, who has come to set his people just as he did with the people of Israel all those centuries ago.

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Posted on March 31, 2012 by paulcook

Calling all leaders… and aspiring leaders

Before I start rambling on, I want to qualify everything I’m about to say by making clear that I don’t want to make it sound as though good teaching is not important. I come from a strong evangelical culture, brought up by my parents to believe that good, sound doctrine was everything. Now, I might have softened a little on that one, but I absolutely believe that the church needs to have strong, biblical teaching. However…

Too many teachers – and not enough fathers! That was the stark challenge that Paul issued to the church in Corinth two thousand years ago. Today, the need is just as full-on as it was then.

Without wanting to exaggerate my importance, I have had the privilege of teaching on occasions in churches in Asia and Nigeria. They hold us in high regard because we are from the UK, and because they respect the quality of our bible teaching. It is something that is seriously lacking in their culture. As a national church, we have been blessed with a plethora of good quality bible teaching over the decades – John Stott, David Pawson, Roger Forster, Jeff Lucas, Mark Stibbe – the list goes on… and yet we are still lacking because we lack fathers.

I used to have a prophetic mentor, a man who discipled me in the ways of the prophetic. Over time, he became a friend as well. And then I entered my Dark Path, a period of my life that could have easily destroyed me, had it not been for this man, come friend, and then at that time, come spiritual father. He was reluctant to acknowledge the change in role, and yet that is what he became to me, and still is. So, what do I mean?

Teachers, by definition, teach. They communicate facts, even truth, and many do so anointed and called by Holy Spirit. Fathers impart; they share their very lives, their joy and their pain, their years of experience and in the sharing they play a formative role in transforming the lives of their spiritual sons. There is, in my view, a very clear difference, and the church in the UK has a surplus of great teachers but a dearth of spiritual fathers.

And yet, our society and culture is crying out for fathers and mothers, who commit themselves to pouring their lives out and into the countless spiritual orphans that fill our streets, and sadly, our churches. And they are not looking for teachers but fathers and mothers; they are looking to be loved back to life; they are seeking the heartbeat of the ultimate father, my Papa, the God of the Christian faith without even realising it; and they want reality not just theory.

I love preaching! I love sharing prophetic words and images! I love doing public ministry! But my deep joy and pleasure is when I spend time with those who call me Papa – my own kids, and the others that come into my life seeking someone to be a Dad to them. And the greatest pleasure is seeing “the next one” grow into the reality that there is a God in heaven who longs to be their ultimate “Daddy”, who believes in them more than anyone else, who is utterly committed to them, who loves them ferociously and is extremely fond of them. That, for me, is the ultimate, because everything else flows out of that revelation!

So, I do not hesitate to call the current generation of leaders, and those who are to come, to build for the generations, rather than for the immediate, and commit yourselves to pouring your lives into the lives of the next ones. Please, for God’s sake!

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Posted on February 25, 2012 by paulcook

I have noticed…

That he explodes that which we fear to such an extent that the unlikely becomes probable.

That when darkness engulfs us, he disappears so that all we see is the chaos around us.

That he delights in isolating us from each other.

That he still insists on asking, “Did God really say…?”

That he targets our identity as children of God, just as he did in the wilderness with Jesus – “If you are the Son of God…”

But I have also noticed…

That the power of The Cross is unshakable!

That Jesus is The Supreme Warrior!

When I worship The Lamb, the Lion roars!

That praying in tongues causes confusion amongst the forces of darkness!

That worship is the highest form of warfare!

That I fight from victory not for victory!

And all of this in the heat of battle! It is not enough to read the latest book on spiritual warfare, to be taught at a conference, at house group, or church. The theory rarely matches the reality, and is not enough to enjoy the victory that Jesus has won. The weapons of our warfare seem to become effective in the battle and not before. And the greatest weapon?

Our identity as sons of the Most High God! When we take up our position as sons and friends of Papa, instead of slaves and servants, the battle changes and the enemy seems to shrink before our eyes. For he knows better than we do that the relationship that we have with Papa is something that he will never have! The enemy will never have unrestricted access into the heart of Papa; he has no inheritance in Christ; and his authority is limited.

And my Papa is stronger and greater and the ultimate warrior!

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Posted on February 10, 2012 by paulcook

How does he do that?

I preached last Sunday; at my home church, for the first time in a while. It was more of a struggle than usual, a wrestling with truth, how to communicate it and what words would be best to use. But it was so much more than that. It was a struggle with myself, with my own failings and shortcomings, with the darkness that, at times, floods my world, with the chaos around me.

And I knew that there were others there far more qualified to speak than I. I was, at best, half-a-pace ahead of a few, half-a-pace behind many, and several paces behind a few. But, at 11.20 am, I sat on my trusty bar stool, took a deep breath, a couple of swigs from my bottle of diet coke, and started… with a couple of disclaimers for all that was to follow.

Forty minutes later, barely a stammer, job done. A clear presentation of something dear to my heart, something that I really believe in and am committed to. People were very kind afterwards – gestures, words all showing appreciation. Three people prayed for. And someone I respect commented about the high level of authority with which I preached.

And I sit down afterwards and wondered, as always: How does Papa do that? How is his power made perfect in my weakness? And the reality is I don’t know, but I do know that he does! It is almost as though I am a spectator, watching someone else speak, watching Papa using and working through somebody else, while I sit on the sideline, stunned, speechless, amazed. There was a time when I could do it without him, but in recent years, as I have embraced my own struggles and weaknesses, and acknowledged the scars of battle and friendly fire that I carry, I have understood that I can’t do it without him and, what’s more, I don’t want to do it without him. And my story is one that declares that my Papa’s grace is always more than enough!

And the truth is that if anyone is transformed, healed, set free, encouraged or challenged it actually has nothing to do with me. I have merely sought to represent my Papa in all his glory and goodness and if, by doing that, someone is encouraged and helped in their journey of faith into the heart of Papa, then that is because he has somehow used my brokenness and emptiness as a conduit for his power and love. It is, without doubt, amazing grace!

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Posted on November 29, 2011 by paulcook

Is it really so complicated?

I’ve just come away from a heated discussion on Facebook about what holiness is or isn’t. And I’m afraid I wasn’t that holy in my thoughts about some of the comments! So it is time to vent my spleen again. I, in no way, wish to be critical of others, but I do want to challenge some of the assumptions and religious thought processes that so many of us have embraced without too much thought.

It seems to me that the Christian life has been contaminated and distorted by a religious spirit that appears to delight in making it as hard as possible for people to enjoy the fullness of life that Jesus offered. Rules, regulations, expectations, demands, criticisms, rejections, approvals… and all in the name of God are dumped on people from a great height, leaving so many feeling intimidated and that they have failed in comparison with those who are more holy or spiritual than others. Added to that, our insistence that some activities are spiritual (like prayer and bible study), while other things are “unspiritual” (like watching TV, and partying), just adds weight to the millstone around our neck.

The elusive utopia of “total surrender” causes many to strive for some state of perfection, but what happens is that we all end up comparing ourselves with others, and competing against the same, believing that if I can just somehow prove that I am more spiritual or holy than they are, that I will feel better about myself. Of course, as soon as the illusion is within my grasp it slips through my fingers, because in reaching the goal, I become superior and proud of my spiritual accomplishment! Doh!

So what am I saying? I’m not saying anything, but I suspect that Papa probably is, condensing the law into two concise and clear commandments, to “love the Lord our God with all that we are, and to love our neighbour as ourselves.”  Within these two clear statements the law is contained – no more and no less. I wonder what would happen if, the energy we poured into rules and regulations, into trying to force others to be and look the same as us and into enslaving each other, was used instead to love Papa with all that we have and are. I suspect that our lives would be transformed by the God we love and worship, and our churches would be irresistible magnets for those who are not-yet-Christians. We would have no trouble reaching our communities with the love of our God because it would be plain for all to see and experience. For it is in loving and worshipping Papa that we become like him and in that we touch the lives of the next one we bump into.

So by all means have your debates and discussions; if you wish, live by rules, regulations, expectations and demands; and if you can, control and manipulate others into being like you. But count me out! Papa has shattered the chains and opened the prison door in my life and brought me into a place of relationship, with him and with others. And I cannot go back on that. When all is said and done, I am simply Papa’s little boy! And all I want to do is pursue my Papa with everything within me! I want to love him because he has loved me so much! And I want the next one to experience his love for them!

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Posted on September 26, 2011 by paulcook

Don’t do as I do…

Probably the greatest challenge in living as a disciple of Yeshua is the call to forgive your enemies, to forgive those who have inflicted wounds. And this challenge becomes even greater when the wounds are inflicted on us by other Christians, and even Church leaders.

It is nearly four years since my pivotal encounter with Papa, on the hills of Northumbria which was a life-changing and destiny-defining moment in my life. The punchline of that encounter was simple: “You are my little boy, so loved, forgiven and accepted that it is the most natural thing in the world for you to pass it on to the next one.” That call came at a time of deep pain in my life. I had been hurt by those I thought I could trust and my retreat was part of the process of dealing with the wounds that had been inflicted and the pain that I was suffering. It was a key moment in my life, one I will never forget, one that has brought about deep inner change in my life and set me on a course that I would never have dreamed about.

But the truth is, the wound is still there, and it continues to cause me discomfort most of the time and pain some of the time. I have, literally, moved on, and those who hurt me are no longer part of my life, and I can go many days, without even a thought about all that happened. But the truth is, also, that there are times, when I realise that I am far from over it, and all that happened continues to influence and control far too much. And this weekend was one of those times. I am angry with myself for the way I reacted, angry because I thought I was over it, but I’m clearly not.

And so to The Secret Place this morning, where Papa was waiting to gently call me to forget all that is in the past and press on to the higher calling that awaits me. How do I do that? By choosing to forgive those who have hurt me, unreservedly and without condition. And the truth is, I’m not very good at that. I want justice, revenge, and an apology. Justice and revenge are not mine to demand, but Papa’s to give in his way and time; and an apology? Well, I have long given up expecting that.

One thing I do know: it is a tragic waste to allow others to impact my life because I refuse to forgive. And I suspect that the freedom which comes from choosing to forgive is something that will give me energy and focus to press on into the future, unfettered and unrestricted. And I want it!

Please don’t do as I do… be quick to forgive and let go, so that you are free… to soar on eagle’s wings into all that Papa has for you.

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Posted on July 19, 2011 by paulcook

Kingdom versus Empire

It is not difficult to look around the world in which we live and see the signs of empire-building and our obsession with success, fame and fortune. You could argue that the current scandal surrounding phone-hacking and all the mucky fingerprints that are being discovered is a classic example of what happens when we become addicted to the building of our own empires and reputations. The tragedy is that the church does not seem to be immune from this obsession and quite often looks no different to what we have discovered in our politicians and media moguls in recent years.

I have, like many others, been on the receiving end of the control and manipulation that Christians use to build their empires and reputations within the Church. And sadly, there was a time when I was a master of this ungodly art, hurting and damaging others in the quest to make a name for myself, build an empire and monument in honour of myself. It is little wonder that there are a growing number of Christians who have abandoned the Church because of the deep wounds that have been inflicted at the altar of success, reputation and status. And I, like many others, had come to the conclusion that anything that smacks of success must, by definition, be flawed. The power brokers might have got what they wanted but at the expense of my loyalty and support. Believe me, it is a sad and grey place to be. Until this last week…

Last week was a week of celebration for our family. On Wednesday, we came together to honour the hard work that Teresa, my wife had put in to gain her Foundation Degree, during a period of extreme difficulty and challenge in her work. And I learnt, again, that honour is a good thing to give to somebody else! But not such a good thing to desire!

On Saturday, we travelled to London for the XLP graduation ceremony, at which Abi, our daughter, was honoured for her gap year with XLP. XLP is a charity that works in inner city London, reaching out to young people in the most challenging of circumstances. Patrick Regan, the founder and CEO is, to some, a high-flyer. XLP is now working in a large number of inner city schools, seeking to bring the Kingdom of God into the lives of these youngsters. Patrick is the driving force, the visionary behind all that XLP has become. He is often in the media, and increasingly mixing with those in high office. A high flyer! Or is he?

I watched as this man, sat, hidden underneath a table as the graduation service started; when he got up to speak it was clear that he didn’t want to; and as he talked it was with genuine humility. As the gap year students talked about their experiences and the vision of what London could become if God’s people embraced and promoted the Kingdom of God, I began to unravel!

But I had to be sure! I talked with Patrick afterwards, probing, trying to find a hint of “empire” and selfish ambition in this man. He talked about two options – the love of power or the power to love, and commented that the love of power does not cut it with the single parent on Floor 10 of a high-rise flat, or any of the other young people they seek to reach! I spoke to one of his colleagues, who told me of the time that Patrick navigated a painful and messy church split, keeping peace with both parties.

And I saw, for the first time in many years, that it is possible to achieve great things for God and his Kingdom without being seduced by the lure of empire, power, fame and money! And I liked it! And for me, the final piece of a jigsaw that has been scattered in a thousand directions, has been put in place. It has been a long journey, six years long; a journey of deep heart-searching, of many tears, and a lot of questions; and a journey that is now complete in the conviction that my identity, my calling, my reason for being, my purpose and destiny are only to be found in the furious, outrageous love and grace of my Papa! The only opinion of me that matters is His! The only evaluation of my life that counts is His! And while others are determined to pursue power, status, money, fame and fortune, empire and monument, even under the guise of ‘church’ and ‘ministry’, I will happily settle for simply being Papa’s little boy!

 

 

 

 

 

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Posted on July 4, 2011 by paulcook

Amazing “Grace”

Betsi, my daughter, and Grace Halford at Stokes Bay

Yesterday was one of those days when Papa God led me somewhere in order to do something completely different to what I had intended. I call it “being hijacked!” The occasion was “Stoked”, a day of fun and Christian witness down at Stokes Bay. The weather was very kind and the event was excellent, a very enjoyable afternoon and early evening.

Enter Grace Halford, 2½ years old, the cutest little girl you will ever meet! Grace has Retts Syndrome, something I know almost nothing about, except what I see in this young life. Grace’s development has ground to a halt, and she is totally dependent upon the love and care of her family and friends. Grace’s parents were heavily involved in the running of Stoked, so Betsi, our daughter did what she often does and volunteered to look after Grace, and then roped us in as well!

Grace was happy yesterday! As Betsi gave her to me, she giggled and laughed, and then snuggled deeply into my arms and chest. And then for the next few hours she sucked Papa’s love out of my heart, while at the same time, bathing my own heart with her unconditional love and acceptance, holding nothing back. I was, of all those there yesterday, the most blessed man! And as I reflected on this encounter with this amazing little girl, I learned, yet again, a very powerful lesson.

I realize that I’m not the easiest person to get on with; I am self-aware enough to understand that I often find relating to others quite difficult. If I’m honest, adults do my head in! I’m not good at subtle, so I find myself caught out by hints, and nuances; I don’t hear unspoken rules or expectations; I waste too much time trying to second-guess what others are thinking or feeling. Consequently, I get myself into trouble, and am far too good at upsetting and hurting others. On the other hand, I also seem to get hurt too easily by the subtleties of others. Most of the time, I can cope with all of this, but there are times when I just wish the world would stop and let me off!

And yet, in Grace, I think I experienced the heart of my Papa, my God who loves and accepts me just as I am, with no expectations or demands; the God whose tenderness and compassion overwhelms me; the God who has persistently pursued me with his grace! I didn’t have to prove anything to Grace; I don’t have to prove anything to Papa; I didn’t have to earn her acceptance and approval; I don’t have to earn Papa’s acceptance and approval; there was no chance of misunderstanding or confusion. It was simple and yet profound… and it left me wrecked and undone. You see, Grace was Papa to me yesterday! In the midst of my pain and discomfort, my brokenness and confusion, Grace was Papa to me yesterday, loving, accepting, approving, “gracing” all over me… and allowing me to love her back, just as I am!

Us grown-ups would do well to learn from young Gracie! She reflects the glory of our God in ways that we seem to find hard. She speaks of a God of grace, who longs to see his children restored to an intimate relationship with him. And she speaks of a God who heals the broken-hearted, who puts our messed-up lives back together and turns them into a work of art for his glory!

“Grace Halford, I honour you today, as a carrier of my Papa’s glory and love!”

And I honour Steve and Elizabeth for being such amazing parents of such wonderful children! In the midst of your own heartache and sadness, your tenacity of faith is such a challenge to my own frailty!

I also want to express my thanks to Steve and Elizabeth for allowing me to go public with these thoughts.

 

 

 

 

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Posted on April 21, 2011 by paulcook

I must have more!

I read an interesting quote from Bill Johnson the other day who said that we only desire things that actually exist. So, I desire chocolate (too much!) because there is such a thing as chocolate!

In recent weeks and months, I have found myself expressing a growing desire for more of the God I love. Over the last six years, my relationship with Papa has changed beyond recognition, and I am living in a deeper, more intimate relationship with him than I thought possible. And yet I still find myself asking for more, even to the point of demanding more! I have no idea where such a desire is going to take me, or what it might do to my relationship with Papa, or to the way I live. I suspect it will be more radical than I think, but so much more satisfying as well.

I’ve been chatting to friends recently, about all sorts of things relating to Papa, and church, and life, and I’m becoming increasingly concerned by the number of people who appear to have little problem with God, but growing problems with the whole idea of church. And they might have a point. I too struggle with church more than I don’t, although in recent years this has eased considerably. And in many respects these people are right in their criticism of church, which seems to make a habit of making it harder for people to enjoy a relationship with Papa, when we should be making it easier.

I have no easy answers to the dilemma, although I am working on it! However, it seems to me that there is one attitude more than any other, which covers over the sins and shortcomings of church and people, and makes relationship with Papa attainable – and that is the desire for God! Hunger and thirst are basic, non-negotiable needs that, in the physical, result in definitive action to meet those needs. And I believe it is the same when we come to look at the whole issue of the spiritual and our relationship with God.

Yes, I might have struggles with people and church, and I might have serious questions about the way Christianity is expressed, wherever I am. But if I am genuinely hungry and thirsty for God, for more of God than I have right now, that desire seems to consume the things (or maybe they are excuses?) that militate against intimacy with Papa. And while that desire ebbs and flows, if it is still there, at the core of my being, then I will discover and enjoy the ‘more’ that I long for.

So my prayer today, as it is most days at the moment, is simply, “God, I must have more of you!”

 

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Posted on March 8, 2011 by paulcook

Hide-and-seek?

We all remember the fun we had as children playing “Hide-and-Seek,” and the fun our children had as we did the same with them. There is something ageless about this game that appeals to children through the years, and I have been trying to get my head around its appeal.

And then I wonder why it appears that Papa seems to play “hard-to-get” with us, why there are seasons in our lives when God seems to withdraw himself from us for no obvious reason. And why did Jesus preach and teach using stories and parables that many did not understand?

It seems to me that Papa God is not interested in appearances or behaviour, but in what is going on in the heart of man. Jesus made it clear that the man who hungers and thirsts after him is blessed. Maybe the hide-and-seek, cat-and-mouse tactics of Papa are designed to flush out those whose desire for him will cause them to do whatever they have to do to discover him.

This is in stark contrast to the recent history of the church in the UK (and probably elsewhere). We seem intent on proclaiming the mystery out of the Gospel, and making it as easy as we can for people to make a decision for Christ. That just doesn’t seem to fit with how Jesus communicated. It appeared that he deliberately made it as hard as possible for people to enter the Kingdom, both by the challenge of repentance, but also by shrouding the Gospel in the mystery of stories and parables. I wonder if there is something for us to learn?

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